#lil bumble babies

[mariatesstruther]

okay im just gonna post this and not tag tlou as to not contribute to publicizing tlou. because of @hypnotisedfireflies im thinking abt maria and tommy. im thinking im thinking im thinking IM THINKING

im thinking about maria and tommy having an argument late at night, maybe in their early days after a bootycall gone wrong. maria is huffing and puffing and reading this man to filth for some stupid shit he said or did or didn’t say or didn’t do. she’s putting her mountain of clothes back on as she argues with him, raising her voice when it threatens to waver. there are tears welling up right behind her eyes, so she doesn’t look back at him as she tells him to fuck off and stomps herself into her boots. she grabs the door handle, ready to rip it open so hard tommy’s sturdy work on it somehow gets fucked, but then—

“Maria, hold on—,”

“Hold on for what?”

“Would you just let me—,”

“No! I don’t want to let you do anything! Honestly, Tommy, I don’t want to hear you try to explain, or take shit back, or say shit to me—,”

“Well good!” he snaps finally, and his exasperation, his tone, makes her turn right around to blink at him. He’s never used that tone with her. “I don’t wanna fuckin’ say shit to you right now! But it’s two in the goddamn mornin’, sweetheart, so if you’re really stormin’ outta here, I’m walking’ you. Just wait.”

and god help her, she actually does—albeit, she spends a good seconds debating whether or not to deck tommy for calling her sweetheart while she’s mad. her hand stays on the doorknob he puts on his two layers of clothes and laces up his winter boots. she is reminded of her hate for wyoming winters.

they walk home in cold, bitter silence—but still, they choose to hold hands.

edit: also a gift and shoutout to @bumblepony who i really miss bad and keeps the tommy/maria ship afloat like no other as well

[emmiri-bumble]

its with great joy that i can say that ive been accepted into my degree program. ive been waiting for this. for so long.

and its almost overwhelming. because finally finally my dreams are open for me. after nearly a decade of.... a lot of misfortune.

i just want to make something some day that will have a someone like me or someone like you look at it and say "im normal" or "im lovable like them" or "ive always been worthy of friendship" or "ive always been powerful" or "ive always been worthy of love"

i wanna make little me proud, too. and i wanna make her understand that she was always a good kid. and she was never less for her weight and height. and she was always always always worthy of appreciation.

maybe i wont make Fido the Sassy Cat or Jackey the Living Pumpkin or Luna the Ninja come to life. But they live on in what i do.

[jinuaei]

Dare

I saw a vid on twitter where the dude came while tattooing his own dick. Couldn't get out of my mind so now I have to write it about Leon because he's my muse. RE2r Leon in my mind but with a lil bit RE4r body. NO OUTBREAK HERE.

I also don't have any experience in tattoos in general so pardon me for getting stuff wrong.

Update: Put the vid in question, unsafe twitter link underneath the fic

Warning: NSFW MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, Multiple orgasms(Leon), tattooing, needles, dacryphilia, UNSAFE LINK BELOW

Word count: 2.2k

Leon S. Kennedy x Tattoo artist! Reader

This was a bad idea.

Leon feels stupid standing outside the studio, he can't believe he's actually going to do a stupid dare that Chris forced him to do. He's going to get his dick tattooed. Thankfully, Chris was gracious enough to give him the freedom to choose his own tattoo.

I'll just get a small one and go.

But once he steps in and is greeted by the tattoo artist, he realizes that maybe he might get a bigger one after all.

You stood there with a smile, the tattoos on your body proudly shown to the world-- and holy fuck it was hot. He stammers a hello and nervously looks around, feeling awkward being in a place that he clearly doesn't belong in. There were a few people inside, 2 customers and another tattooist doing work on one of them, and of course there was you.

Chuckling at him, you guide this bumbling blond to your chair, showing him a catalogue of the designs that you do. He was overwhelmed with the choices so ultimately he just looked at you with his big blue eyes.

"Uh.. could...could you choose one for me? Something that you think would look good on me..."

...

I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO CHOOSE ONE FOR YOURSELF???

He mentally punched the air when your relaxed eyes clashes with his wide ones, berating himself for probably annoying you with his indecision.

I-I mean, I don't really know much about tattoos so it would be a good idea to ask them right? I-it's not because I think they're gorgeous and want their approval or something right?? Yeah..

Expecting irritation crossing your face, he braced himself to get screamed at but instead he was met with giddiness. He relaxes under your eyes, finally keeping his nervousness under control.

"I'd love that! I was meaning to do a design I came up with recently, so if you don't mind I can do that to you?"

He nods eagerly, like a happy puppy getting asked to go on a walk.

"Great! Where do you want to get tattooed so I can modify it based on the area."

Leon's blood runs cold as the nerves came back ten fold. He forgot that he was going to get a tattoo, on his dick.

"...my dick." He tries to tell you but it only comes out as a whisper.

"Pardon?"

"My dick...!"

"Sorry could you repeat tha-"

"My dick!!! I'm gonna get my dick tattooed...!" He finally shouts, panting, exasperated.

The studio is quiet except for the buzzing of the machines, everyone's eyes was on him. He feels his face flush and tried to hide himself, scrunching into a ball, or close to it at least without looking like a pathetic baby in front of you. But being the angel that you are, only laughed and waved those staring at him as if to say 'this is normal'. Your assistant also laughed but directed the costumers attention to himself, explaining how newbies get nervous like that.

The blond unfurls himself, looking at you with sad eyes. You pat his head and he won't lie to himself that he didn't enjoy that.

"Don't worry dude, we don't judge here. Luckily for you, I have experience in that regard, but you don't look like you have any. Fresh meat?"

"Yeah... This is my first time."

"Bold of you to choose a sensitive part of your body. Really brave bud."

A smile creeps onto his face, delighted at being complimented by you. Yet his mind wanders back to your words earlier, you tattooed other peoples dick before? Internally shaking his head, he then asks when they'll start, which you promptly answered with a right now if you're ready, in which he agreed excited to get done by you... The tattoo he means.

You lead him to a different part of the studio, a more private area to be exact, its smaller with only one chair for the client. Due to him being too excitable he forgot how embarrassing it would be for people to see his dick in general. But if it's you... Of course it's fine! You're tattooing him after all, this is professional work, be professional Leon.

He sits on the chair after you instructed him to, you then proceed to tell him to strip his pants and underwear and roll up his shirt. Before he did that though he had to ask something important.

"Does it matter if I'm hard or not...?"

"Nah, it'll still look the same whether it's flaccid or erected."

Nodding shyly he starts to strip off slowly, almost teasing, which embarrasses him further since he imagines himself looking like he's giving you a strip dance. You wait there patiently, head lowered, arms crossed, eyes switching between his pants to his own. Eventually he lowers his pants and underwear to his ankles, shirt blocking his dick, but when he raises his shirt your eyebrows raise when you see how hard he is. Red angry tip, twitching under your scrutiny.

"Do you like it...?"

"Hm. You're bigger than I expected. Great abs too."

That made him more confident, puffing his chest out in response. He laid down on the chair, readying himself with what's going to happen. On the side he can see you prepare a piece of paper with your design on it. Staring at you, he admires the tattoos that litter your whole body, your arms filled with dark ink, one half filled with intricate details of crosses and angels, he can also see some weird sigils, rings with what looks like Latin on it and stars. He can only assume that underneath your clothes there are more than what he is allowed to see.

The young mans imagination is cut of with a jerk of his hips, startled he looks at you wide eyed and scared. He tried to apologize profusely but you only shook your head and explained that you needed to put the stencil on his dick. Luckily he survived the stenciling as it was done faster than he expected, he can't say the same for the actual tattooing part though.

You we're thankfully very patient with him, caressing his thigh before starting, which his body reacted with a jerk that he somewhat kept to a minimum.

The first thing he noticed was the loud buzzing of the machine, the next is the vibration, finally-- the pain. It was bearable, but that was not the horrific part of this situation, no, it was the fact that he was enjoying the constant stabbing, combined with the vibrations it felt so good on his cock. Leon wouldn't say that he's a masochist, but damnit whatever the fuck is happening turns him on so fucking much.

Shaky breaths start to come out of his mouth, it was getting harder to breathe with the constant stimulation and if he focus hard enough he could actually feel your breath on his thigh. God you were so close to his dick.

"O-oh! Oh God...huff... shit. I like it, why the fuck do I like it???" He mumbles to himself, biting his cheek to suppress the moans that's bubbling up from his throat.

He tries so hard to focus on something else, the paperwork left on the station-- the vibrations... Chris' smug face when he told him the dare-- feels so good..! His best friend at home, his good ol' dog-- FUCK!!!

"STOP!! Stop...! Fuck. Ah...sorry, it's just hahh... Feels too good."

He pants harshly, fingers holding on the smooth leather for dear life. He feels humiliated under your stare, tears starting to prick at his eyes, making it hard to decipher the expression on your face but he can feel the heat in your eyes.

Your eyes hungrily take in his body, appreciating his muscles as well as his pudge in certain areas. With such a sensitive man in front of you, you get to see all of his reactions. The way his eyes are tightly closed, eyebrows furrowed, his lashes accentuated by the heavy blush spreading from his face. Every flinch causes his body to flex and it is truly a sight for sore eyes.

However, since this is a professional setting, you as the professional doing your job, and him, the client just getting a tattoo on his weeping cock. The same cock that you have to wipe over and over as it drips pre-cum over your work. You tried your best to hold back, managing to stop yourself from ravaging this delectable hunk in front of you. But it was soooo hard to do so.

God... What a cute little thing he is. Makes me want to eat him up.

You tried to wait patiently for him to calm down, you waited 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 20 minutes for it to stop twitching but it just wouldn't. stop. dripping. Ultimately you gave him a choice, either you stop here and work on it another time or you keep going regardless of how currently sensitive he his.

A whimper came out of his mouth when he sensed you getting more and more impatient with him. Wanting to please you he chose the 2nd option. The faster he's done the better right?

"If you're gonna cum, tell me."

"Wha- Hngggh...!"

The needles start up again and Leon really held himself back, gripping on the leather beneath his fingers. It worked for a moment but the sensation proves too much when his body jerks forward from a particularly more painful-- but delicious, jab of the needle. His hips was then forced down by your hand slamming itself on his pelvis. Your touch almost made him fall off the edge of the cliff but at that exact moment he had a brilliant idea to stop himself from cumming on the spot.

"Hahh...hng! Fuck!! I'm gonna cum! Pleasepleaseplease...!"

And then immediately proceeding to cum all over his chest and your hand that is still pining him down. Even then you were not strong enough to fully hold him down, his hips almost flying from the chair. Tears stream down his face, a mix of humiliation and pleasure dripping to the leather below. As he calms down from his high, he hears shuffling before suddenly, a weight plops down onto his lap. You didn't even warn him before starting again.

"Wait...! I'm still hnggg... I'm still sensitive!" Not knowing if you heard him or not, he tries again but is cut off with a moan.

"Don't move too much because I'm not stopping until it's done."

You're gonna be the death of him.

Finally after so so so so long you were done with his tattoo. Leon is spent, lying there chest covered with his fluids, t-shirt soaked with a mix of tears, drool, and probably semen. He was still twitching, eyes rolled back, overstimulated to hell and back. He doesn't know how much he came, thrice? Four times? Maybe even more than that but God was it amazing. Nothing could prepare him from the tenderness that you exude as you wipe the tears from his cheeks. You leaned in, face hovering over his as you look him in the eye, cooing at how much of a good boy he is for handling everything so well.

"Thank you... hahh hah..."

You hopped off his lap and went to get a mirror for him. He feels a little loopy with the dopamine rushing through his brain but that didn't stop him from thanking you. Blinking sluggishly, his eyes look at the mirror, showing his cock being held by you. Focusing on the design he can tell how much love you put on it.

It starts from just below the head, the whole thing wrapping around his whole dick. It was something akin to an insect, maybe a scorpion with 4 sharp legs, the head of the creature sprouting tentacles. The tail of it was long, twisting around until it stops, the sharpened end on the base, close to his balls. It was honestly really good, the shading makes it look realistic, almost like it will jump at him and bury itself into his skin. He's kind of sad that it's not similar to any of your tattoos. Still, he's happy to have been marked by you.

"Did you bring extra clothes?"

"What?"

"You can't walk around the streets with a cum stained shirt, and you need to wear looser pants so it won't irritate tattoo."

Chris you better fucking pick up.

I should've called Luis instead.

Chris brought him clothes, probably from his own closet and Leon knew when Chris arrived because he could hear his boisterous laughter right outside the private room. SHIT! If I could hear him, people definitely heard me earlier.

After dressing up and doing the walk of shame towards the main studio, he sees Chris and your assistant laughing their guts out. Yeah they definitely heard me, and he's probably telling Chris everything.

You went over to them and smacked the tanned guy upside the head, introducing him as Carlos. Leon strains a smile, regardless of how much he wants to curl up into a ball and die. But Carlos reassures him that it actually happens and how he also cummed from you tattooing his dick, although he was not as loud as him. After that he was informed how to do aftercare for the tattoo and both him and Chris were off to go home.

Sitting on the passengers seat, Leon tuned out Chris' teasing and how 'I can't believe you actually did it!' and 'Imagine cumming while getting a tattoo LMAO'. On his hand is a piece of paper, written inside is your number and a note that read; 'See you when it heals ;)'.

Hey, maybe it wasn't a bad idea after all.

The vid in question:

[nymphomatique]

It's been awhile since I've wandered into somebody's ask box, so forgive me if I'm a lil rusty, honey. But I like this pathetic Miguel AU and I just might have some ideas for you to ponder:

Miguel is big, but he's just grown into his height so he's the sort of bumbling puppy man that has too short of shorts because his legs just keep growing. He's adjusting all the time because otherwise the poor baby gets chafed.

His shirts show a lil peek of belly button, because he can't keep buying new ones...

I need me some footballers (maybe led by Peter?) to confront the unintentionally slutty baby boy.

Cue reader finding Migs crying as he's shoved into lockers. He's wrecked, tears streaming down his face, cheeks flushed a deep red from humiliation. And you-- you're livid. Because that face is fucking yours.

"Oh look, it's the slut come to save her boytoy!"

"If I'm a slut, you're the manwhore I caught behind the bleachers last year with Gwen fucking Stacy. Remember crawling back to me? Yeah, well at least Miguel can be trained up. You're just a horn dog that needs to be put down, Parker."

NO BECAUSE. omfg.

the “that face is fucking yours.” i’m actually going crazy.

def not a coincidence after that they’re removed from the school, totally had nothing to do with readers mom being on the board of education for your school district!

i can already imagine reader cleaning up miguel’s wounds, telling him to stop whining like a baby even if it burns.

and the words of affirmation and praise she’d give him after???

“they make fun of you for your clothes, huh? how big you’re gettin’?” you’re kissing across his abdomen lightly and leaving trails of lipstick over him. you took him out for dinner to try and make him feel better. “well i like how big you are. so manly and sexy, even sexier you’re a big strong man who lets me boss you around.”

and you’re just kissing and touching and fucking softly, maybe you even let miguel take the lead this once, cause you owe it to your boytoy, don’t you?

[cartierre]

FAST & FURIOUS | ll

SOCIAL MEDIA!AU liam lawson x fem!driver!reader

side note: i have not watched fast&furious

♡ liked by dennis_hauger, felipedrugovich, liamlawson30 and 18,293 others

tagged: redbulljuniorteam, officialmpmotorsport, liamlawson30, charles_leclerc

yourusername monaco is probably one of the most special places... even more so now that i've scored my first podium of the season here! p3 does taste pretty good and the view isn't half as bad either, let's go onwards from here on now! officialmpmotorsport

view all 102 comments

user1 it's kinda embarrassing that she's only now been on the podium ⤷ user2 she's literally a rookie calm down for a second.´

user3 it's so sweet that liam came, especially because monaco is such an important race ⤷ user4 and she even got her first podium there!

liamlawson30 so proud baby ❤️💙 ⤷ yourusername see you in shibata!

user5 i love how liam and y/n still find ways to support each other despite their own racing schedules

♡ liked by liamlawson30, tomoki_nojiri and 15,283 others

tagged: liamlawson30

yourusername always feeling the proudest when i see my lil dom toretto race his heart out

view all 87 comments

user6 girl not her calling him dom stop this is funny ⤷ user7 family

liamlawson30 does that make you letty ortiz? ⤷ yourusername who is that i never actually watched the films

user8 should i download tinder again? i'm too single rn ⤷ user9 girl i'm downloading tinder, hinge and bumble as we're speaking

user10 let me cry in the corner over how cute this

♡ liked by yourusername, clementnovalak, olliebearman and 24,937 others

tagged: yourusername

liamlawson30 letty ortiz in spielberg

view all 135 comments

user11 them continuing the fast&furious joke is peak ⤷ user12 y/n gives me more suki from 2 fast 2 furious vibes if i'm being honest

yourusername i think i need to watch fast&furious just to understand the joke i started ⤷ liamlawson30 next time i'm around? ⤷ yourusername it's a date!

user13 i love their unconditional support and the effort they both put into their relationship

user14 they are the it couple fr ⤷ user15 the dom toretto and letty ortiz

♡ liked by arthur_leclerc, liamlawson30, olliebearman and 19,293 others

tagged: redbulljuniorteam, officialmpmotorsport, liamlawson30, maxverstappen1

yourusername p2 here in spa right before the summer break feels amazing!! thank you to the whole officialmpmotorsport team for this amazing race! am i doing letty justice? i think so.

view all 106 comments

user16 it's so amazing to see y/n constantly get better and collecting more and more podiums. i'm so excited to see her race again after the summer break!

user17 she's definitely going places

liamlawson30 so insanely proud to see you up there ⤷ yourusername guess i'm just that good

user18 i'm in love with y/n's and liam's relationship

dennis_hauger 🥈🏎️ comment liked by yourusername

[animalcollectiveporn]

Rawr XD nya

Omg Claus is lil baby boy .w.

(btw I listened to the buck bumble track while drawing this)

[jigeuminunbich]

it’s the thought that counts | mark lee

synopsis — in which your lovely boyfriend, mark, decides to make you breakfast, at least that was his intention.

genre — fem!reader, nonidol!au, established relationship, slice of life, and fluff

content — domestic, pet names (baby), and honestly just mark (making an attempt at) cooking lol

word count — 1k

author’s note — in honor of the new dream x dream episode aka marksung bumbling in the kitchen for our entertainment :D

Sundays were the designated days for you and Mark to relax. Sleep in, laze around, ignore any other human contact, you name it— Sundays were for those exact reasons. With every week after the other coming with some version of turmoil for the both of you, it was owed that you just had a day squared off where you could just be.

Though, you found in your time on this Earth that life had its skilled ways of disrupting your peace. And sometimes it liked to use your ever so lovely boyfriend, Mark, as a pawn in its schemes.

The familiar, unwelcome smell of what you could simply put as burnt wafted into your nostrils, leaving your serene sleep to be quickly interrupted as the stench violently awoke all your senses.

“Mark!”

As if you had been in this exact predicament before, your comforter was flipped off of your once warm and comfortable body. You quickly became acquainted with the unpleasant change in warmth, your drive to figure out why it smelled like a bonfire was taking place in your apartment outweighing your want to be cozy in your covers again.

“Heyyy…” Mark greeted you with an uneasy smile, pausing in his ministrations of fanning away the smoke that emitted from your stove.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Still practically half-asleep, your voice comes off more brash than you intend. The squinting of your eyes from the sharp change in light did nothing to help your case— you must’ve looked and sounded like a dead girl walking.

On reflex, Mark scratches the back of his nape as he gazes down at the problem he’s caused. “I thought I’d wake up a lil’ earlier and cook us some breakfast but—uh— as you can see…”

“Not going too well?” Your eyebrow quirks.

The paper plate Mark was using to disperse the smoke met the counter ahead of him with a pathetic smack, his hands coming to join it as he braced himself against the granite. “Yeah. Sorry to wake you like this… I just wanted to do something different—”

Your features softened at Mark’s clear frustration. It never took much to have Mark back in your good graces. He was just too genuine and honest that you couldn’t help but have your hostility dissipate. “It’s okay, babe. I appreciate the effort— oh wow—!”

The reality of the situation fully settled with you as you gravitated closer to Mark. Charred bacon that nearly melded to the pan of the same color and strewn sunny-side up eggs being the culprits of the unusual start to your day.

“Mark, how can you possibly mess up eggs this badly?” Instinctively, your hand moves forward to push around the sloppy eggs with the spatula that sat with them.

“I don’t know!” His whine comes out muffled from the act of Mark rubbing his hands over his face discontentedly.

“Here,” you bumped your hip into his own, signaling for him to step out of the way and to allow you to stand where he once did.

Your immediate instinct was to rid Mark’s rendition of breakfast into the garbage before stopping by your fridge to gather the ingredients for round two. Now, fully awake, you stood opposite of your stove rhythmically cracking eggs and frying bacon that you were sure to keep a close eye on.

Mark, after watching you gracefully glide around the kitchen, comes to wrap his arms around your waist with his head landing in its rightful spot on your shoulder. You shudder, with his nose and lips brushing against the junction of your neck.

“How did I get so lucky?” Your actions falter for a moment when a brief kiss is pressed to your soft skin and you force yourself to bite back a smile. Refusing to let this situation get too far away from him just yet, you speak through the fluster your boyfriend has brought upon you.

“The universe knew you needed a decent cook to balance out the fact you should never step foot in a kitchen, ever.”

Light laughter shudders through your body as you can basically picture Mark’s offended expression towards you, you try your best to keep your focus on the stove opposite of you as he leans away from your body in disbelief.

“C’mon, I didn’t do that bad!” Mark insists, a whiny twinge in his voice.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Were you intending on serving me bacon or charcoal?” You deliver a blow, momentarily drawing your attention away from the food to gage his reaction. A snort ripples through your chest at his unenthusiastic response to you, his eyes cutting into thin lines.

“Ha ha, very funny,” he sneers, constricting you closer to him as your punishment. “I was intending on make my beautiful girlfriend some breakfast. Isn’t that enough?”

You hum, becoming nearly pudding in your boyfriend’s hold. “I love you, baby. But, unfortunately, it is not.”

Mark sighs, pulling his best pout as his grip loosened on your waist. “Fine, fine. I’ll leave you be, then…”

“Good. I don’t want your lack of talent in the kitchen rubbing off on me.” Assuming you’ve had the final word, you turn your attention back to the food again— giggling to yourself as you can feel Mark’s eyes burning into you once again.

Mark takes advantage of the fact you’re distracted and tickles right under your arms. Leaving you to jolt and burst into immediate laughter that pulls straight from your stomach.

“Mark!” You whirl around and smack against his chest.

He laughs along with you, holding your flailing wrists back from further thwacking him. “You were saying?”

“That you’re a wonderful cook?”

“That’s what I thought.” Mark graces you with a peck on the cheek before finally giving you the space to pick up where he abruptly left off, backing up to the refrigerator to rifle through it.

“Did you want coffee or tea? Oh shoot, I forgot we got orange juice too…”

You ponder for a moment, skillfully flipping slices of bacon. “Coffee is fine.”

“Alright, one cup of coffee coming right up,” Mark announces before humming to a random song as he enthusiastically began making your order.

As you inevitably smile and giggle at your boyfriend, you suddenly feel grateful for the uninvited start to your morning and grateful for the universe’s (& Mark’s) unprecedented ways.

anotha a/n:

this is 100% what this was inspired by (i only have the barbie and ken vers lmao) BUT YEAH

© jigueminunbich 2024

[clowningaroundmars]

Hobie1610 pt. 3

part 3 has finally arrived!!! at a faster rate than part 2 but a bit of a wait nonetheless lol

not entirely sure how long this lil story will go on for but hope y'all are enjoying this ride regardless, whether it ends on the next part or in 3 more chapters ldfjkdhf

in this installment: thrilling action, a high stakes chase, and we get to learn more abt our beloved hobie jones! yippee!

>pt. 1 here<

>pt. 2 here<

>pt. 4 here<

♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧

By some miracle, Hobie did not mention the suit to Miles once they started texting semi-regularly.

Unfortunately, they also couldn't really make their lunch date (date? God, get it together, Morales. It is not a date…) as soon as Miles would have liked, due to a million different things getting in the way of them setting a solid day aside to chill together.

Just his luck, of course.

But in the hallways, Hobie actually deigned to give Miles a passing smile every now and then. They didn’t ever get to hang out like they did for those precious few moments on the first day of school, but Miles didn’t feel the crushing weight of guilt every time he saw Hobie in his same classroom anymore. What a relief!

So Miles was mostly okay with how things were going anyhow, even if the hangout ended up falling through and they both decided not to go in the end. He was able to patrol and do his homework in blissful peace for the first time in months.

… Kind of.

That look on Hobie’s handsome face as he looked down past Miles’ coat collar though…

That still ate away at an anxious part of Miles’ brain whenever he had the time to sit down and really let his worries manifest.

No time to think about that now, though. Miles was suited up again on a school night, hoping to get at least an hour’s worth of patrolling in before security at Visions noticed he was absent from his dorm room. He hoped Ganke would be able to cover for him like he always did.

It was yet another cold evening out in New York City, and Miles was steadily covering the edges of Brooklyn, heading towards Manhattan to do a quick sweep through Central Park like he did on occasion. There was always something going on in Manhattan, especially during the evening.

Miles decided it wouldn’t hurt to take a quick peek before calling it a night and heading back to Visions.

So away he went-- now fully in his Spiderman element-- vaulting and soaring over buildings, showing off every now and then by doing silly flips and tricks mid-air for the opportunistic New Yorkers looking to snap their Spiderman Sighting of the day. A little social media promo never hurt anyone, after all…

Spiderman finally swung down onto a tree branch on the western side of the park from a street lamp and was just about to lower himself down as inconspicuously as he could, before immediately feeling the tingling electricity of his Spider Senses race up and down his spine, giving him the usual headache along with it.

He crouched down quietly on a branch and watched as a familiar lanky figure streaked across the path underneath him onto the grass and beyond.

Whoever this runner was, he was fast. And hot on his trail was a gang of burly bumbling assholes cursing up a blue streak as they gave chase.

Spiderman’s eyes stayed glued to the fast runner like they were a lifeline. His senses honed in on the person and he erupted out of the leaves of the tree with one mighty leap, sailing through the air to shoot a web out and swing his way on over to the excitement.

Several joggers, people walking dogs after work, and mothers with baby carriages exclaimed and shouted as they were barreled into by the gang of men trying to keep up with their moving target. The runner didn’t seem to be giving up, though, as their long legs sent them flying over bushes and rocks and lounging people as gracefully as a ribbon in the air.

It was indeed getting dark soon again, but the darkness didn’t really affect Spiderman’s senses at all. His mask helped him fine-tune his powerful vision and anticipate the runner’s next moves.

It looked as though they were trying to make their way up towards the Great Lawn from Cedar Hill, but whether the person was planning to make a break for the now-empty Delacorte Theatre or the Metropolitan Museum Of Art… or beyond? That was the million dollar question.

Spiderman didn’t want to lose the person in case they happened to just be a petty thief, since that would be a quick and easy problem to fix. But as he silently chased down the runner alongside (and unbeknownst) to the gang, his suspicions gave way to some other... ideas.

Namely, that the runner seemed young, a bit too young for someone to be pissing off this many fully-grown gang members.

He pushed through his confusion and made a break for the theatre the second he guessed that the runner was pivoting in that direction.

The trees were getting thicker the closer they got to the Belvedere Castle and Spiderman eventually resorted himself to hoofing it, mindful of sticking to the shadows of the foliage that surrounded them on all sides.

He was super grateful now more than ever that his suit happened to be his signature sleek black and red, rather than the tacky and hyper-visible reds and blues of many of his Spider counterparts (sorry Peter!)

Once he confirmed that the suspicious target was indeed planning on hiding in the bleachers of the massive amphitheatre, he shot up a web to hoist himself into the infrastructure from the tall stadium lights. From there, he positioned himself a bit closer to the fray, hearing the loud and heavy boots of the gang following the runner, not far behind.

Then, he squinted into the dusk as he watched one of the entrances from his perch up high... and almost choked on his own saliva!

In comes none other than Hobie Motherfucking Jones, streaking down several steps like a shooting star, clutching onto… something tucked under one of his arms. He was breathless, panting loudly, and heading straight for the Belvedere Lake.

Upon hearing the heavy bootfalls get ever closer with every passing second, it seemed that Hobie got the idea to attempt a last-minute juke by throwing himself underneath the stairs that faced the lake, tucking himself as tightly as he could under the massive stage at the center.

Spiderman watched all of this happening with wide eyes, holding his own breath in. He prayed that the ugly thugs didn’t see Hobie’s sneaky last-second move, but climbed up high onto the stadium lights and prepared to swing down anyhow, just in case.

What was Hobie even doing here, out at this hour? And what the hell did he manage to steal that was so important to these men anyways? It was quite a chase they were caught up in, running nearly two entire miles all the way up to the amphitheatre just to catch him, and that was only from what he could see when he swung into action.

The group split up and pulled out flashlights, determinedly searching the bleachers and corners as best they could while the sky rapidly darkened above them.

From right below the webbed crime-fighter, Hobie poked his head out from the shadows and took a peek.

No, no, duck back down! Spiderman wanted to shout, but he couldn’t.

No one knew he had followed them and he was safe high above the action where he balanced himself on the metal bars that housed the bulbs. His muscles tensed as the bright beam of light from one guy’s flashlight swept a little too close to Hobie’s head. Damnit.

Spiderman couldn’t just sit there all day! He had a friend to save, stolen item be damned!

He rechecked his web shooters furtively and took aim.

He set his sights on another stadium light pole across from the stage, figuring that if he was quick and agile enough, he could time his swing well enough to scoop Hobie up from where he was hidden and avoid any detection. Hopefully.

Seemed like a solid enough plan though, until Hobie just. Shot out from his hiding place all of a sudden, the heels of his boots rapping loudly against the cement and echoing all around the stage as he made a beeline for the lakefront.

Shit!!!

Miles wanted to kill him. Those guys didn’t even suspect he was hiding where we was in the first place!

... Okay, plan B!

Spiderman’s brain whirred at breakneck speeds as he watched the thugs exclaim loudly and give chase yet again, this time much closer to Hobie than they ever were before.

Without thinking, he swung down from his perch and bowled over a couple of men in his haste to simply just… grab Hobie like a damsel in distress and fireman-carry him back around the gang to get a good line of web onto a nearby pole.

The men all cursed and shouted in surprise of course, flashlight beams waving around everywhere.

One of them even yelled, “what the hell was that?!” like a character in one of his dad’s favorite cheesy slasher movies.

Spiderman was too fast for them, a black blur simply whizzing by as he grabbed Hobie and hoisted the both of them up into the air with a mighty leap. Hobie yelped in surprise, grunting from the effort, and seemed to let whatever he stole slip out of his hands which then clattered loudly onto the ground below.

The thugs rejoiced then, shaking fists at Hobie and his rescuer as they flew up to the top of a tree and detached themselves so they could fall onto the stadium light opposite from Spiderman’s initial hiding spot.

Spiderman didn’t stop until he attached another web up to the lights and dangled there for a bit. Adrenaline still coursed through his veins as he shifted Hobie off of his shoulders and let him slide slowly onto his side, his friend’s wiry arms clutching him tightly.

They both watched with rapt attention at the goings-on several feet below them.

The thugs congregated around the fallen item, picking it up and turning it this way and that. It looked like a briefcase, though with the low lighting it really could’ve been anything. It was only when one of them-- the biggest and burliest of them all-- shouted out another colorful swear word that Hobie then seemed to come back to himself again.

He squeezed Spiderman’s shoulders with his arms and kicked at him. They swung a bit from the wiggling.

“Ouch!” Spiderman hissed, as quietly as he could. He was hoping the dark dusk would conceal their position now as long as they made No Noises, but even that wasn’t guaranteed.

“Go, go, go, go, man! Let’s get out of here!!” Hobie hissed right back into his ear, his face mere centimeters away from Spiderman’s mask.

Spiderman stubbornly ignored the heat radiating out from his face at that realization and jerked this way and that, looking for an easy escape from their conundrum.

Flashlight beams danced around the ground before finally swinging up to the trees and catching sight of a pair of shoes dangling in the sky.

The biggest and meanest one of the bunch pulled something out of his pocket and took aim.

Bullet! Spiderman’s senses screamed into his cerebellum.

“Goddamn,” he huffed ruefully as the shots rang out. Hobie panicked. “Bullets for us? That’s a little harsh, isn’t it?”

Hobie clung onto his hero for dear life. “Brother, if you do not get a move on from here, we are both gonna get turned into fish filets!” He shouted into Spiderman’s ear.

“Ow. Okay,” Spiderman grumbled, sticking himself to the side of the pole they dangled from and readjusting Hobie so that he clung onto his back instead.

He took a deep breath and narrowly dodged a bullet that whizzed unnervingly close to their heads. Hobie yelled again.

“Okay, okay, okay,” Spiderman began, speaking quickly. “Hold on, okay? Hold on tight. Just hold on and do not let me go for even a second!”

“On it!” Hobie shouted back, legs kicking a bit before wrapping themselves tightly around Spiderman’s torso.

They both took a breath and then Spiderman jumped, gaining some air before twin webs erupted from his web shooters-- aimed directly towards the seating area entrance.

Together, he and Hobie rocketed from their airborne position towards their escape route once the fluids connected to solid architecture. To his credit, Hobie only whimpered a little bit through the ride.

The thugs had no chance! They stumbled on tired, aching legs towards the very door the two teens had left out of, complaining and cursing some more as they searched through the steps and made their way out onto the theatre’s general admission and concessions area.

They searched and searched through the bushes and trees, going so far as to even check the sculptures near the structure.

After several tense moments of gruff shouting back-and-forth, the search eventually died down until only a couple of the men were left sweeping the area once more. The others had already given up their fruitless endeavor and called it a night.

“Fucking kids, man. What the hell,” Spiderman heard one of them grumble before kicking at the Romeo and Juliet statue angrily and following the rest of his cohorts down the path towards the Great Lawn again.

Hobie and Spiderman let out matching sighs of relief then, happy to have given the men the slip by managing to hide behind the giant 3D Delacorte Theatre sign right above the box offices. Lucky for them, most people don’t think to search behind lit-up signs, so they went completely undetected.

“… Wanna let me know what you were doing here this whole time? You could’ve gotten killed!” Spiderman breathed. He wanted his tone to be sharper, more authoritative… but he was just so glad to see his new friend still in one piece instead of riddled with more holes than a chunk of swiss cheese!

Hobie scoffed, tucking a loc behind his ear and sitting back. Thanks to the lighting of the sign and the other park lights in the area, Spiderman could see him digging around in his coat pocket and fishing out-- a USB drive?

Hobie held it up triumphantly, sleepy down-turned eyes glistening with pride.

“I got it! Suckers! Screw them by the way, I’m not the thief, if that’s what you’re wondering,”

Well. He was sneaky, alright. Spiderman had to hand that to him, at the very least.

He sat back on his heels as well and exhaled. “Fine. I believe you. What’s on that drive?”

Hobie squinted at him then, really giving him a good once-over now that the excitement had officially died down. “…Damn. You’re Spiderman,”

“Yeah, yeah. Hey, hi, nice to meet you, I’m your friendly neighborhood Sp-- ugh, seriously man, just tell me what all of that was back there or else I’m webbing you up and calling the cops.”

“Hey!” Hobie objected. “Like I said already, I’m the good guy here. I snagged this from those guys because I caught them snoopin’ around the museum over that way. I followed them and found out they were stealing this!”

Spiderman bobbed his head. “Okay? And what’s on it?”

Hobie turned the drive over a bit in his hands, admiring it. “Most likely? Security codes, schedules, maps. I’ve been uh… investigating those dudes for a while after watching them sniff around the museum for a few days now. It looks like they were just art thieves plannin' a heist, so I jumped on the opportunity to deliver justice myself.”

Hobie’s mischievous grin was met by Spiderman’s disapproving stare.

“And why didn’t you just call security and let them know? Like I said, super dangerous thing you did back there! If I wasn’t there to save you, you could’ve died, man.”

Hobie pocketed his USB drive again and rolled his eyes. “Y’know, for a vigilante hero with cool superpowers, you sure are a square.”

Spiderman sat up and placed a hand on his chest, feigning hurt. “Oof, ow. That’s mean,”

“Yeah, it is, but you know I’m right. If a kid like me walked up to some cops and tried to warn them of a possible art heist, you just know those pricks’ll laugh in my face and do literally nothing about it. I had to take matters into my own hands!” Hobie jutted his chin out defiantly.

Well. Couldn't really argue with that, especially considering PDNY’s less-than-stellar track record of taking preventative measures most times. All that they would most likely do is nod along to whatever Hobie was telling them and chuckle, shaking their heads as they walk away. Not their problem.

Spiderman rubbed his chin. “Point taken," he conceded. "So what’s your plan now?”

Hobie glanced around, as if he was checking for any eavesdroppers. “I’m gonna submit some photos to a journalist I met online before turning this in back to the museum. The journalist’ll help get those guys behind bars once a story's published and some actual adults talk to the cops. I am going to go collect my reward,”

Spiderman blinked. He had a bunch of questions swimming in his head, but the first question out of his mouth was, “what reward?”

“The reward for turning in precious security info, genius!” Hobie tapped at his forehead with a finger and grinned. “If I get to negotiate with them, I can get some money to save up and-- uh. Nevermind. Listen, are you gonna rat me out or not?”

Miles’ brow creased behind his mask. “… I don’t think I will. Sounds like you’re doing the right thing… mostly.”

Hobie cheered silently. “Yes! Okay, I take it back, Spidey. You are cool!”

Spiderman sighed. “But first, I need to know you’re gonna be safe. Like, actually, and that you’re not gonna get followed home.”

Hobie shrugged nonchalantly and pushed more locs out of his face again. “Yeah, you can walk me home if you want,”

“No, that’s not what I mean. I mean, that’s not the only thing I mean. I need you to promise me that you’re not gonna get into stupid stunts like this again. That was so dangerous and you really could’ve gotten hurt!”

Hobie exhaled as well. He stared intensely into the mask’s giant white lenses for a beat, making Spiderman shift uncomfortably.

Then, he held up his pinkie. “… Fine. I won’t do stupid shit like this again. I promise.”

Spiderman blinked a few more times and hooked his pinkie onto Hobie’s. “Uh. Okay, cool! Cool, that’s what I wanna hear, considering keeping New Yorkers safe is my job! I just wanna see you safe, that’s all. No more art heists, you gotta leave that to the professionals to handle,”

“What, professionals like you? You might’ve not even gotten to them in time before they snuck off with like millions of dollars worth of art, bro.”

“Anyone ever tell you you are just so mean? Dontcha have a little faith in me? The ‘vigilante hero with cool superpowers’?” Spiderman shot back.

They both laughed.

“Seriously, though. I do appreciate the fact that you saved my ass back there,” Hobie admitted, eyes cast downwards for a second. “I was actually gonna throw this thing into the lake and hope this drive got eaten by like… a fish or something.”

“And what about you?” Spiderman smiled despite himself.

“Well,” Hobie shrugged. “If I died, I died. I guess,”

It was Spiderman’s turn to scoff now. “You have a family, man. Don’t be ridiculous. You have friends and family that would miss you!”

Hobie’s expression turned dark, his entire face shadowing for a second before being replaced by cool detached nonchalance. A slight hint of annoyance stayed put underneath.

“… My family’s barely my family. I don’t have any friends, either. Don't worry about me.” Hobie admitted in a clipped tone. He stood up abruptly and started doing some casual stretches.

Spiderman stood up as well, knowing fully well how this song and dance was going to go.

He would never admit it out loud, but he’d seen his fair share of self-destructive citizens throwing themselves into the middle of danger in the short time he’d been doing this whole vigilante thing. He had talked many a melancholy or manic person from tossing themselves off of multiple different buildings, different bridges, stopped them from “falling” onto train tracks.

And as loath as he is to admit it, this Hobie’s particular brand of cool detachment was entirely too familiar to him as well.

A flash of his uncle Aaron’s face lit up a part of his brain that he hadn’t really allowed himself to acknowledge since that fateful day. He quickly stamped that out.

He cleared his throat and rubbed at his neck. “… Well. That sounds pretty depressing, man.”

He didn’t notice Hobie’s shoulders hitch at that phrase.

“But,” Spiderman continued, “You got people out here who care about you, even if you don’t know it. You’re still so young, you could be ending your life before you even meet, like, your favoritest person in the whole world, right? So just do me a quick favor, take care of yourself. For me. Live long enough to meet your favorite person, alright?”

Spiderman put on his best comforting expression that he could despite the mask most likely getting in the way of Hobie fully seeing it. He hoped his words were enough to convince him not to dive off the deep end, at least not anytime soon.

It seemed to work at least a little bit, because Hobie looked back at him with a much warmer-- albeit hesitant-- expression.

“Can I ask you something?” Hobie finally said after a few moments of silence.

“Uh, sure.” Spiderman replied.

“Do you know about a kid named Miles Morales at all?”

The air was sucked out of Spiderman’s lungs right then as he floundered like a fish for a minute, brain working into overdrive to make his answer sound both intelligent and convincing.

“U-uh, maaaybeee? I dunno, I meet a lot of New Yorkers everyday and I don’t get many names, yanno? S-sounds familiar, but sorr--”

“I knew it,” Hobie exhaled a laugh and surged forward to embrace Spiderman with both arms.

Spiderman stood frozen in his place, arms held in mid-air as he worked to process this.

“Uh. What--”

Spiderman felt Hobie’s chin dig into the side of his cheek a little as he turned his lips to his ear. “Your secret’s safe with me, by the way. I’m not telling anyone,”

Miles felt his whole world turn on its axis before shattering completely.

Oh no, no, no, no, no! Goddamnit!

Miles pushed Hobie off and stepped back, holding his hands up. “Oh hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. I dunno what you’re thinking or who you think I am, but--!”

Hobie sighed loudly. “Miles, I saw your suit.”

The world screeched to a halt.

Hobie picked his gaze back up off of his feet and even seemed apologetic, almost. “I, uhm. Like, back on the roof. At Visions. I wasn’t… a hundred percent sure I saw it, since it could’ve been any logo at all, but. Well, you’re a pretty bad liar too, y’know that, right?”

Miles sucked in a slightly shaky breath, gulping loudly. “Uh. W-well,”

Hobie smiled shyly. “You, uh… you’re like around the same height as Miles Morales, anyways. And you sure sound a lot like him, too.”

Damn. Damn it all.

Miles spun this way and that, placing his hands atop his head as he panicked slightly. “H-Hobie, you cannot tell anyone else about this, whatsoever. Do you understand? No one. At all. Or we’re both dead!”

Hobie held his hands up, lines creasing in his face. “Look bro, you’ve got secrets of mine too. We pinkie promised, remember? I don’t break promises.”

Miles didn’t point out that the promise was so that Hobie would stop getting himself into stupidly dangerous situations, but he accepted it anyways, albeit reluctantly.

“D-do… do you actually, like actually promise me you’ll never breathe a word about this to anyone? Ever? At all?”

Hobie held up his right hand into the air, as if taking an oath. “I, MJ, solemnly swear to never breathe a single word to anyone about your super secret identity, so help me god.”

Miles planted his fists on his hip and shook his head. “Oh my god,” he exhales on a shaky laugh.

“Don’t you believe me? What would I have to gain by selling you out? Oh,” Hobie stops suddenly, perking up. “We could even work together! I got me my sweet camera and my extensive connects, man. Think about it!”

“No, no. Hobie. Stop that, man. I’m not putting you into any danger after I just saved your skinny butt. Spiderman doesn’t do sidekicks anyways,”

Hobie looked a bit put out, but shrugged anyways. “Well, I mean… think about it sometime. We could seriously take down criminal activity around here, if you’re down! And, uh. You do have my number,”

Miles looked up and took a deep breath. “Mmnyes, I do. I do have your number. That’s… I mean you’re not wrong about that. Listen, I think it’s getting pretty late and we should both be heading back home now, though.”

The corners of Hobie’s mouth curled up mischievously. “True, true. It is a school night, after all.”

Miles couldn’t stop grinning despite the heavy anvil that threatened to burst out of his chest. “Yep, yes it is! Okay, time to get you home now. C’mon, let’s go.”

Miles moved to step into Hobie’s space and carry him on his back again so he could lower the both of them down from the lip of the theatre roof.

But before that happened, he felt Hobie place a cold but strong hand on his shoulder, stopping him.

Miles looked up inquisitively and felt his breath catch in his throat as he felt those same hands slowly slide up the smooth spandex of his suit, up his shoulders, and then they stopped at his neck, at the seam of where his suit and mask met.

The entire thing probably only took a few seconds to do, but to Miles it felt like eons passed as he felt every single muscle twitch and the pulse beating underneath Hobie’s skin while he ran those fingers up his arms.

He was standing so close to him! Oh god!

The entire ordeal was unbearably intimate, and Miles could barely stop the shudder that wracked his body suddenly.

Hobie’s soft lips were slightly parted, the lighting of the sign next to them caught in the dark brown portals that were his eyes.

“U-uhm. Sorry, this is weird...” he mumbled quietly. But his hands didn't move.

All around them, crickets started their soothing chorus.

Here they were, right behind the giant lettering of the Delacorte Theatre, intertwined in each other’s arms on a cold night-- and Miles’ core body temperature has never felt hotter before. He felt like he could melt steel, the way this night was going. He didn’t know when his hands raised to grasp onto Hobie’s arms, but they must’ve done it of their own accord because Miles then felt himself squeezing softly onto Hobie’s biceps.

Slowly, painstakingly, and carefully… Hobie made his move.

Every centimeter of the mask being pushed up was accompanied by a soft look that asked-- no, it begged-- for permission to continue. His hands seemed to move on their own eventually, as he slid the mask up over the back of Miles' head and then eased it up off of his nose.

Hobie wore a soft look of determination then, that fully came into view again once Miles felt his mask slide right up off of his eyes. Hobie’s soft hands eventually fell away, mask in one hand, no sounds in the air except for the wildlife of the park starting to wake now that the night has officially fallen.

Miles wasn’t sure why he did, but he held his breath.

After a few seconds of appraising gazes from each other, pupils meeting pupils, exchanging a million words a second with just a few looks… Hobie grinned beautifully.

“Damn. There you are,”

Miles felt a plume of heat erupt from his gut and rush up to his face. “Uh. Hm, y-yep. Here I am,” he blinked back at Hobie with his big brown eyes.

Hobie had a look of pure joy on his face before it started to melt away suddenly. “You know… I should backstab you for abandoning me out of nowhere that one time, though… I really should...”

The moment collapsed like an undone web, a delicate thing now completely destroyed as Miles leaped up in indignation.

“Hobie!”

Hobie stepped back and laughed loudly. “Re-lax! I’m not gonna actually do it. But. Y’know.”

“And if you do, I’ll leave you webbed up to that billboard near Visions,” Miles threatened, mostly light-heartedly.

“Psshh, and then get my mom’s two million lawyers on your ass? Good luck,”

“As if they could ever catch me! I’m Spiderman!”

Just as easily as they had stepped out of being just kids for a moment, they stepped right back into it, bickering like they'd been friends since forever.

Miles lowered the both of them from the sign and they headed towards the eastern side of the park, making their way over to Hunter’s Gate. They bickered and bantered back and forth the entire way there, and it was only once they made it to the outer gates of the park that Miles stopped them both.

With his mask back on and other New Yorkers now milling nearby, Miles made it a point to lower his voice as he turned to Hobie and puffed his chest out heroically.

“So, random citizen. Where are we off to today? I told you I’d take you back home safely, and that’s what I’m gonna do.”

“’Cause you promised, right?” Hobie smirked, tucking his hands into his coat pockets.

“Uhm. Yeah, yeah. I did. So, lead the way!” Spiderman made a grand ushering gesture, and Hobie chuckled good-naturedly as he stepped aside and exited Central Park.

“You gonna walk me home, Spiderman?” Hobie threw him a side-long glance.

“Yyyeah…? Why? You’d rather swing home?”

“I liked swinging, actually. Yeah,” Hobie stopped where he was on the sidewalk and nodded with an air of finality. “Yeah… let’s swing!”

Spiderman felt his heart do a few somersaults in his chest before he gestured towards his shoulders. Hobie quickly assumed the position, long lanky arms wrapping around him and leaning his body weight against Spiderman’s side.

Spiderman shot up a web to a nearby street lamp and gave his friend one more glance.

“You sure?” He asked again, really making sure that Hobie was okay with this. Not many people really liked swinging, which was understandable. Even Miles wasn't the biggest fan of it at times.

Hobie chuckled and ignored the onlookers as they slowly ambled past the two, throwing the teens questioning glances as they made their way past them.

“Yeah, I am! Let’s go,”

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Miles: Do you actually actually really like on your LIFE promise that you’re not ginna tell a soul about… well…

Miles: gonna*

MJ: Yes, Miles. I PROMISE [eyeroll emoji]

Miles: I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE

MJ: Do you actually, though? ;)

Miles: No. But I can find out… I got connects

MJ: Uh huh. I’ll tell your “connects” that if you don’t take me out on that promised lunch date, our friendly neighborhood Spiderman just might be the next trending topic on ALL social media apps again very soon……..

Miles: Oh my god. You are Evil. I can’t believe this. My next arch nemesis… damn

Miles: What a killer plot twist. The greatest foe I have yet to face happens to be none other than one of my very own classmates

Miles: It be ya own people

From his family’s Lower Manhattan penthouse, Hobie laughs out loud as he reads the text messages, ignoring all of the curious glances thrown his way by various members of his team.

From Miles’ own humble dorm room at Visions, he laughs aloud as well.

[tropicalsleet]

Some Sunny-Side Up side characters. Sunny-Side Characters if you will. Coming up with their silly names was fun. Since I can actually type as much as I want on Tumblr, I can finally describe them a lil more.

Nap (European wildcat): He used to be Sunny's coworker before he moved away to the city, and they're both the same age. He still drops by the town every once in a while to visit.

Tater (goat) and Tot (deer): This pair of gals are regulars at Sunny's store. They do all sorts of home improvement jobs as a side gig when they're not busy with college.

East (rat): Also a regular at Sunny's store. He works production at a theater, so he often drops by to buy paint for whatever new props the play requires.

Sepal (rabbit): She's Barker's grandmother, who works as a cashier at the local grocery store. She has an impish sense of humor.

Weld (ferret): The town's chief and Level's father. Due to the town's population being mostly elderly people, he's worried what will become of the town in the future. He's had a rivalry with Stamps since their school days.

Hash (dog) and Brown (dog): They work with Jam and do most of the grunt work during paint deliveries to restock the various stores in the area. Despite being a bumbling pair, they've never dropped a single can of paint.

Level (ferret): Weld's daughter, only a few years younger than Sunny and Nap. She works at the local café during summer breaks. She's unsure what she wants to do and has changed majors a few times. She knows her father hopes she'll take on the town chief mantle.

Fluss (European wildcat): Nap's grandmother, who took care of raising him since he was a baby. She owns the local café and an excellent cook. Despite her age, retirement hasn't crossed her mind.

[lueurjun]

hufflepuff boyfriend heeseung

feeling really inspired these days idk why, hence why the frequent posts. i might do a written scenario on this too. also lmk if you want more hogwarts enhypen. this is also really long so i’m very sorry about that but i’m running on no sleep it’s 5 am and i’m tired so pls if it’s bad cut me some slack aasdhfkfkdl enjoy

idc what anyone says lee heeseung screams hufflepuff to me

maybe bc i’m a hufflepuff and i want that man in my house

let me have my moment

for the sake of this you guys are also in hufflepuff because this was an impulsive burst of motivation I DONT HAVE A LOT TO WORK WITH RIGHT NOW PLS LET ME LIVE

change it in your mind if you’d like

anyways we’re going for the you fell first, he fell harder trope

i mean who wouldn’t fall at the mere sight of him?

you began harbouring a little crush on him during third year

specifically during potions class when he took the fall for you against snape after you messed up the shrinking potion

he wasn’t even mad. he just gave you a small smile and told you ( gently) to be more careful

you never messed up ever again because if lee heeseung tells you to be careful YOU BE CAREFUL

anyways yes from then on you’re all heart eyes for him any interaction leaves you a bumbling mess

he once sat down next to you in the great hall and you damn near drowned yourself in pumpkin juice

he didn’t reciprocate your crush until fifth year

he’s a lil slow but hey! we got there in the end

his crush specifically started after he got sick and had to spend some time in the hospital wing and you went to great lengths to get past madam pomfrey JUST to give him your notes

you’re an adorable little magic try hard for him like who would go to great lengths like you? no one heeseung should put a ring on it rn

or else i will

jkjk

unless…

ANYWAYS

you’re very good at hiding your crush ( for the most part other than the fact that you freeze whenever he’s around ) but you’re not completely hopeless

heeseung, on the other hand, is absolutely hopeless

anytime you’re in the vicinity this boy becomes a blushing mess

literally heart eyes for you

you notice that he’s acting different and at first it scares you because suddenly he seems distant

and you start panicking

so you go to sunghoon

bad idea

“is heeseung mad at me?”

“yes. he hates you.”

“WHAT?!”

cue jake stepping in with a wild look of panic on his face

“HE DOESN’T HATE YOU!! SUNGHOON WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS IS OUR DEAR FRIENDS SOULMATE!!! WHY ARE YOU CAUSING TROUBLE?”

sunghoon just sips his pumpkin juice and goes: “funny”

it wasn’t funny you almost cried

little baby hogwarts student riki who follows them around found it hilarious tho

“HA GOOD ONE HYUNG”

jake is like a stressed out father

“riki nishimura eat your toast!”

and you’re just confused because you heard jake call you heeseung’s soulmate in a moment of stress

heeseung is blissfully unaware of the turmoil at the dinner table when he strolls into the great hall

though he goes paler than nearly headless nick when he sees you, his precious little soulmate, surrounded by the group of demon spawns he calls his friends

he manages to go even paler when you stand up and march towards him with a look of determination

and he’s taken by surprise when you yank his tie and drag him out of the great hall prompting many hoots and whistles from your friends

poor heeseung just wanted some breakfast

you pull him into a quiet corner and he’s absolutely petrified

“do you hate me?”

you surprise yourself with how blunt you are

it takes a moment for the question to register in heeseung’s mind and when it does…he starts?? laughing

like manically

him? hate you? that’s the funniest joke he’s ever been told

then he catches onto your ‘wtf’ look and realizes that you’re serious

mortified. sickened. DEVASTATED at the fact that you think he hates you

“no-no! oh my god! no no. i don’t hate you? HATE YOU? ME? Goodness no! I’m sorry I made you feel that way-it’s just…you make me nervous and you’re really good looking and i think-no i KNOW! I KNOW i’m in love with you. please don’t hate me”

honestly you aren’t sure what you was expecting but it definitely wasn’t that

you’re at a loss of words because holy shit

lee heeseung likes- no! no he said loves! he loves you

there’s no words that come out

instead you dry heave and heeseung nearly sobs at the fact that he made you almost throw up with his confession

and that makes him dry heave

so there you both are in the corridor continuously heaving

jake, sunghoon and riki are peeking around the corner watching the whole exchange

one looks perplexed, and the other two look absolutely delighted

“bet you five galleons heeseung throws up first”

“you’re on”

“you are not betting on our friends failure! and riki stop gambling you’re like six”

anyways back to the shit show which is confession land

both of you manage to keep down the contents inside your stomach much to the dismay of sunghoon and riki

“i wasn’t- i got nervous!” you try to explain

“it’s completely fine! i wasn’t meant to confess like that and i already knew you weren’t like-into me—“

sunghoon has had enough

bro pops out from around the corner

“they’ve liked you since before merlin was even cruising around! just date already and spare me of this torture!”

everyone say thank you to sunghoon because after his help, the two of you start dating

finally! this took longer than i anticipated-i got carried away very sorry! okay continue

THE RELATIONSHIP YAY EVERYONE APPLAUD

the professors definitely shipped it and had bets on you both

snape owed mcgonagall twenty galleons

even dumbledore was in on it

holding hands under the table is an absolute must

heeseung does this thing when he senses you getting a bit stressed out in class where he’ll rub his thumb over the back of your hand

finding you both curled up together in the common room is a regular occurrence

you’re both devastatingly awkward but in the cutest way

that’s also really painful to watch sometimes

cue your friend group watching you get all blushy and flustered after shamelessly flirting with each other

“someone break them up before i avada kedavra myself here and now”

dragging heeseung by the tie is a common occurrence

and he has a thing for walking behind you gripping the sides of your shirt or robes

you’re both terribly protective of each other

if anyone hurts heeseung’s feelings, oh boy! not even voldemort would be able to stop you

“did they just insult you, hee? i think they did. HEY YOU! SAY THAT TO HIM AGAIN AND WATCH HOW FAST I RIP EVERY HAIR OUT OF YOUR SCALP, YOU TOAD!”

and if anyone upsets you? oh boy.

he literally shaved someone’s eyebrows off for making you cry. man knows no consequence when it comes to protecting his partner

you both get really shy about pda

so that means whenever you want to share a peck, one of you will hold up a book to hide your faces

making out in the restricted section is a must

the two of you start sneaking off and it becomes noticeable to your friends

“where are they?”

“probably swallowing each others tongues”

when they finally investigate they find out that the two of you have been sneaking off to read muggle stories to each other in the abandoned bathroom

even moaning myrtle cringes at how in love the two of you are

the two of you are really happy

and everyone else is happy that you’re happy

“dibs on naming the future child!”

“sunghoon you are absolutely never naming our baby”

“why not? sunghoon jr lee has a nice ring to it”

you manage to compromise and agree to let sunghoon be the best man at your wedding

he did get the two of you together

perhaps the two of you should repay the favour and find him a match?

[gingerjolover]

pumpkin patch/fall date with phoebe and maxine! please!

y'all know the fucking vibes ok so

just blurbed about pumpkin carving with julien (julien and soft!gf def meet up with y'all towards the end of the day to get their pumpkins but before all that)

but y’all are like taking a little fall trip in nashville or maybe you’re in LA who knows

pheebs is def in like an all back maxi something with boots and if we are doing black cat and golden retrieve vibes, i feel you’d be in a more autumnal outfit

y’all definitely are checking out all of the foods stands and the small market first

getting various jams and fall treats

in my version of this pumpkin patch/fall farm, there is a section with animal costumes for pets and you guys spend so much time discussing maxine’s costume

“bro she could be a bumble bee🥹”

“don’t call me bro oh my god look,” you start to be sassy back but you see a small collar and a neck tie, “maxi! you could be mommy for halloween🥹”

i feel like this where y’all would find the sheep costume that she wore at boogenius

with various apple butters and more than one costume for maxine y’all finally go out to the farm part

maybe pick your own apples or something

and then you get a on an afternoon hayride, maxine is sitting on your lap, she has a little knitted sweater on because it’s chilly and phoebe is taking SO many pics because “you and mama look so cute”

maxine is so popular on the hayrides, everyone wanting to pet her but you’re like “she’s kinda skittish so be careful,” and it just warms phoebes heart

eventually y’all get to the pumpkins, meeting up with julien and her partner

julien is like “we need four pumpkins in case we mess up the jack o lanterns,” which phoebe is like omg “babe we should get an extra just in case” and you and julien’s gf look at each other like “are they fucking kidding?”

maxine is crawling all over the small pumpkins, and you’re holding her leash watching her

phoebe is taking pics of you guys, eventually getting you both to pose in the patch “smile with mama maxi!” she will say so sweetly and you’re like holy fuck marry me pls

i feel like as it gets darker phoebe will pick maxine up and hold her in the baby carrier on her chest, both holding hands as you pull the rent-a-wagon to the car full of pumpkins

after you load up the car you walk back through all the halloween lights and grab some dinner, sitting on a picnic bench, stealing kisses between bites

def takes a pic of y’all under the orange lights and you’re holding a lil pumpkin and she’s biting your cheek lol

[blackfemmecharacterdependency]

Update on the Arcane mission. I haven't had anybody really step up and say "I wanna habe Arcane friends," and so I decided to try to give this show another go, to figure out where I would personally land in fandom business.

I didn't fall asleep this time and have currently made it about half way through episode 5. So far, I don't give a shit about any of these people. It was sad when the lil' crew of bottom down people died, but I haven't had any attachments formed, though the wee baby Ekko is probably currently the only one in the running for my emotions.

Actually, I'm liking that skinny one-eyed fella. This is my kinda "villain." One with both rage and also some sense. Sevika is my close third.

I am definitely not a Jinx girlie. It makes no sense for smart people to keep bringing her bumbling ass to missions that need precision. She need to take a page outta that one dude on the statue book and just show folk how to do stuff.

And so far, Mel might be lovely, but nothing has happened that I care about her neither. At this current place in the journey, I could see why she hasn't gotten much fans. The creators gave us nothing but an impeccable design. I'm waiting to be gagged.

Vi is the most relatable person for me, but that's not to say that I like her or care about her necessarily. More like I think she's had the most opportunity for us to see different sides of herself and understand her more than a lot of these others who don't have as much story at this point.

Jayce is alright. Victor is mid. I have not yet seen whatever it is the girlies see in either or both of them.

RIP to ol'boy from the bar. Vance? Van? Chile, whatever they daddy name was. He was nice. You knew he'd die from the moment he showed up though. It was simply right there that this would happen.

Who else I done seen... Caitlin. Snoring boring. Actually around where I paused my watch mission to go to bed. Idk if I'm resuming when I get off work in the morning, but I'll resume at some point. This is the furthest I've ever gotten watching this, but now I think that I get why: because nobody grabbed my attention or appreciation and that's one of my things.

[luckycheesefoodie321]

King Fu Panda 4 was a fun time

I think plot wise it was a little wishy washy and could have been a bit more fulfilling in terms of an epilogue to the movie series and Poh’s story but otherwise was a grand old adventure that got to sprinkle in some old faves from the past.

And I was totally joking about Jack Black, given he released Baby One More Time with Tenacious D, much like Peaches, I was expecting to see Po perform Baby One More Time as a random cut scene. Instead we got it as a fun montage training sequence at the end bringing it back to the first movie.

HOWEVER I think if they were gonna have Ping and Li have this cute lil dad side adventure pursuing Po bc they’re worried, they should’ve included Shifu (who is something like a third dad) and Shifu would’ve had a long suffering look on his face the whole time dealing with these bumbling fools but ultimately form a bond with them and realise how dearly they love and support their son and this gets him thinking about Tai Lung himself. And then it would mean he is also there at the final confrontation.

He would’ve met up with Tai Lung.

Tai Lung would’ve been defensive and angry but for the first time Shifu could have talked to the him and get some closure on their whole fight.

Tai Lung could’ve bowed to his adoptive father and acknowledged him as such “til we meet again… father” before returning to the spirit realm. THE WAY I WOULDVE CRIED.

Shifu could’ve FINALLY achieved that inner peace in a more fulfilling way.

But anyway, that’s my personal gripe.

[bwoahtastic]

LIL BABY LANDO! With his baby sun hat with lil bumble bees on it. And of course Momma seb put sensitive skin baby sunscreen in his lil body. Charles and Max running away from grandpa Toto who is holding their sunscreen bottle! But lil Val was holding momma's tail and waiting patiently for his sunscreen turn so he can SWIM.

Plss yes! Tiny pup has no clue what is going on but momma is snuggling him so he is a happy camper! He would look so cute with his bumble bee hat and was so sweet and giggly when Seb put the sunscreen on him! Adter thst he just snoozes in the arms of whoever is available until he gets hungry!

And plss Charles and Max LEGGING it away from toto cos sunscreen is annoying! But they aren't that fast especially not in the soft sand and they get captured sksksk. And sweet lil Val holding momma's tail snd waiting for momma to be done putting sunscreen on him cos he knowsnhe can swim with papa Kimi then! He does have to wear a little t-shirt cos he pasty af and gets burned quickly lol!

[wildshadowtamer]

Lex And The City Comic Reaction

title says it all.

Purely based on the cover, artstyle looks good, lex's pose is silly and i like it. Lets hope the writing holds.

oh, its several comics in one! i forgot they still did those

Oh Lex, you vaguely slimy bastard. You are out of touch, my man.

"A pair of uptown gay comedy writers" bbygirl ur gonna need to specify this is dc we have a lot of those

"to show my jawline is 100% real" ok the writing is a bit tiktok-y but thats definitely something he'd say.

I do wanna say i haven't read modern superman comics that weren't JL or Batman crossovers, so idk if Trish Q is a new or old character, but shes cute

"or maybe i was just bored because superman was off-world" ohhh, ur missing ur boyfriend arent u lexie

Lex im begging you never use the word lubrication ever again

ok the dialouge is stilted as hell but very funny idea that lex hires people to crash his parties. very in character. he WOULD do that.

"your kink shaming" lex where are you learning these words. connor come get ur weird sort-of-dad, hes found tiktok

damn, lex, only $500 for flowers? ur a billionaire, man, that feels oddly cheap of you

i see these will be short lil stories, which im fine with it. Lex's story....eh, 6/10, nothing to do with valentines but fun ideas for Lex

--

Harley & Ivy's story

wooo lesbians!! also original costume harley!!! wooo!!!

yeah she would break into a bank just for a valentines day gift

aaaand it just took a harsh dive into tiktok words. "her love was no basic bitch" harley stop that

i like the detail of harley's hair slowly coming out of her lil hat/cowl. And that she actually realised getting a fur coat for her aggressively nature loving girlfriend would, in fact, be a god awful idea

"was ivy gonna dump harley just like joker did? probably" is that unresolved relationship issues i see? i like that their keeping that in. like, yeah, you probably would have a hard time trusting a relationship when ur last one was almost entirely comprised of being manipulated

lmao bruce just being like "hm. good for them." they truly are honorary batfam members

overall, 8/10, the tiktok speech was a bit much in the middle but it was cute! very nice

--

Mr Freeze's story

neat artstyle, always happy to see mr freeze content.

Gotham's Got Talent canonically exists. i wonder how many times bruce has been a judge on it

ah, Batman being a good person, at least they've gotten him down right

very short, but not bad. 7/10, no tiktok speak this time

--

roy!!! my boy!!! also im mildly faceblind so gimme a few panels to figure out who the other three are

ohhh, wally, garth, and dick. right, obviously.

ohhh!!!! baby roy, wally, garth, and dick!!!

bumblebee!!! my darling!!! i can't believe they remembered you exist!!

roy pretending to be dying of starvation is so accurate. teens really are just like that

huh garth/donna, idk if thats been in previous comics but interesting

Dick, i see that superman cup!! fun to see thats canon

im probably missing Comic Lore but i did not know Garth had scars over one eye. neat. adding that to my note list immediately.

"Linda's my lightning rod" AWWWW

is donna's teen titan outfit always red or am i imagining things, i swear she used to be in black

Bumble calling Dick 'rob', awww, im counting this as canon

idk why Dick did the 'im batman' thing, but i love that hes still doing that

LOVE their outfits. i know it isnt specific for this comic, or at least im p sure, but god i love their adult hero costumes. i'll always prefer wally's stupid yellow costume but his flash one is really good

9/10, love it, amazing

--

Tim!! my boy!! my canon bi boy!!!

oh hey bernard i forgot u exist

oh my god damian ur so big!!! oh my god!

"stephanie is too female" damian????

brotherly bonding!! i feel like tim & damian is such an uncommon dynamic

oh shit hey flatline i forgot u exist

"lazarus pit? more of a lunch spot" damian i love u

NOT JASON IN THE WAITER OUTFIT- ok i love that, brotherly bonding!!

oh my god steph too!! hey girl!! you look amazing in that outfit

hell yeah, cass, steph, and jason in the club!!!

10/10, no complaints, love it

--

ooo, villains!! hey boys!!

sad pathetic meow meow riddler how i love you. deadass just did the "you guys are getting paid??" meme

really funny that The Joker of all people has just. been dating around this whole time.

i was about to ask Why Is Joker In a Tutu, but yeah. he would

the joker wingmanning for Riddler is the funniest concept

hi magpie. gonna be honest girl idk who you are but cool design

poor eddie. even the guards are like 'damn hes pathetic'

eddie. eddie i know what your trying to say. ur married to work and all. but that shot of you looking over the city with batman's bat signal is really giving me riddlebats vibes and im loving it

8/10, fun, Joker's always a blast, eddie is as sad meow meow as ever

--

ok idk pretty much anything about garfield and raven but hiii. dont have much of anything to say except someone get raven an actually decent father figure. also gar/raven is very cute.

skipping hawkman's bc i know nothing of him and i just. dont like his current iteration, carter hall will always be my hawkman. sorry current man but i care not.

--

so, overall, 8/10, good comics. funny, cute, good art, some good ideas i'll definitely be implementing. i like it.

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 11/01/2025 (Doechii, Mufasa: The Lion King, Lil Baby/Young Thug/Future)

For a seventh week, Gracie Abrams’ surprisingly consistent “That’s So True” lands at the top of the UK Singles Chart. The mind boggles, but otherwise it’s an average winter week so welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

content warning: language, discussion of sex and therapy

Rundown

Of course, as we’re back to normal on the charts, we actually do start our episode with the notable dropouts, those being songs that exit the UK Top 75 – which is what I cover, check the FAQ – after five weeks in the region or a peak in the top 40. This week, we bid adieu to some heavy-hitters like “Guess” by Charli xcx featuring Billie Eilish on the remix, “BACKBONE” by Chase & Status and Stormzy, “Cruel Summer” by Taylor Swift, but also “365” by Charli xcx, “Indestructible” by Andy C and Becky Hill, and obviously the very small selection of Christmas songs that held on – you know the ones.

As for what takes their place, we have a few re-entries, firstly a residual gain for Morgan Wallen – more on his new track later – as “Love Somebody” returns to #74, then “Slow it Down” by Benson Boone bumbling back onto the billboards at #72, “squabble up” by Kendrick Lamar at #71, “Pink Pony Club” by Chappell Roan peculiarly propelling as high as #22, then thanks to some TikTok virality, the classic story of an older song gaining memetic status and coming back to the charts, a trend 2024 continued that won’t be leaving us anytime soon. This week, it happens to be a former #1, “La La La” by Naughty Boy featuring Sam Smith at #33. A fine song to my ears but nothing too remarkable, it debuted at the top and stayed there for only a week in 2013, but spent many a week on the chart that year and the next anyway, and now it’s back but hopefully not for too long.

In terms of our notable gains, we see plenty of boosts for SZA with “30 for 30” with Kendrick Lamar at #68 and “BMF” at #20 off of the debuts (more on her later as well), as well as Tyler, the Creator with “Sticky” featuring GloRilla, Sexyy Red and Lil Wayne at #57 and “Like Him” featuring Lola Young at #30. Additionally jumping up the charts are “Favourite” by Fontaines D.C. at #65, “Headlock” by Imogen Heap at #44, “Indigo” by Sam Barber featuring Avery Anna at #41, and finally, “PUSH 2 START” by Tyla at #24. This is the week where we really get to see what’s shaping up to be big hits during the winter, and I’m not sure if there’s much to complain about here at all, honestly.

This week’s top five consists of “Who” by Jimin up big to #5, “Sailor Song” by Gigi Perez at #4, “Messy” by Lola Young at #3, “APT.” by ROSÉ and Bruno Mars at #2 and of course, Ms. Abrams at the very top. Now, we get to see what our first normal week on the UK chart for 2025 has in store for us.

New Entries

#75 – “Scorsese Baby Daddy” – SZA

Produced by Michael Uzowuru, Tyler Johnson,

Well, naturally, a third song from SZA’s disappointing sequel-turned-reissue LANA has debuted, and I won’t reiterate my more in-depth opinions of the project as a whole from last week, with this being a pretty run-of-the-mill leftover like most of it. The link to acclaimed film director and Shark Tale star Martin Scorsese is not too deep, it’s little more than simply a word used here to describe the drama of her relationship – I’m not too familiar with his films, so there could be subtle parallels I miss but this is a SZA B-side, she’s never been that cryptic as a writer either. The bedroom pop guitars feel oddly dry on this one considering that this is one of those tracks I was talking about when I said that SZA sounds underwater; the vocal mix is legitimately horrendous. I’m not an expert but, come on, she’s really unclear and difficult to make out when she’s not doing incredibly obvious punch-ins that sound like distorted phone recordings. Despite this watery sound, she’s still breathy and loud, overwhelming a very stock indie pop instrumental that should not have taken this many producers. It’s inoffensive, especially in the content and the vaguely pleasant “vibe”, though much of that is disturbed by the uninteresting and shoddy vocal take being so amplified and unavoidable, it’s really frustrating.

#69 – “No One Noticed” – The Marías

Produced by Josh Conway and Gianiuca Buccellati

This is technically one of those cases where I can say that I was “a fan before they were cool”, except not really. Years before California indie pop group The Marías had their breakout with this sleeper hit and its connected album, Submarine, I took the time to check out the group’s 2021 album and thought very little about it. There were a few tracks I liked from this debut and I could tell their Latin- and jazz-influenced brand of indie pop was something smoother and different compared to what was coming out at the time, but I had no idea or suspicion that they would be as big as they currently are, the success they’re enjoying coming as a surprise to me as I’d forgotten about that album entirely, just one of the many non-mainstream records I listened to that year and wouldn’t expect to start a considerable chart run anytime soon.

With that said, “No One Noticed” has been doing well globally since last year, especially in North America, and it's finally found itself in the top 75 in the UK this week. Undoubtedly, much of the appeal of this song is in atmosphere and “vibes”, with this song’s light guitars and weightless drums, as well as an airy vocal from lead singer Maria Zardoya, curating an aquatic track not far from the album’s cover art, it really fits. Lyrically, there is actually little to the song, quite literally in terms of how repetitive it can feel, particularly with that mantra of a bridge, but the spiralling loneliness that this exacerbates just hit pretty effectively when the song functions as much as a drone as that feeling can. There are even moments of swell in the post-chorus that go nowhere once the verse comes back in, with glimmers of hope reverting into a disappointing normality. The allusions to a long-distance relationship also help this song situate itself in between denial and acceptance, with the overlapping vocal takes panning across in that wonderful build-up, leaving “without a trace” as the lyrics entail, then barely cropping back up as a murmur amidst a completer mix, being a subtly suffocating structural idea, it’s really brilliant. The song at just below four minutes is full in itself, but unlike most pop songs with “extended versions” that seem like cheap excuses to release chopped-up TikTok bait as the original or add a pointless intro, this has a nearly five-minute version in both English and Zardoya’s native Spanish that add to the circling progression of the track, with the additional outro verse being filtered amidst the song’s closing trail of ambiance. It could seem unnecessary or tedious, but that’s what her devotion to this relationship has turned into, and it stings. It’s definitely not the kind of song I’d typically hope to get big, but it seems like a running theme of this year may be that I adore slow ballads popping up from lesser-known artists more and more… or at least I hope it’s a running theme, these are great songs.

#52 – “Smile” – Morgan Wallen

Produced by Charlie Handsome

Morgan Wallen releases yet another loose single that will end up featuring on the next 30-song album he puts out, it’s a familiar tale, and I’m somewhat impressed by how he and his fanbase have mastered an exceedingly lengthy rollout in the streaming era. The songs I tend to be much less impressed with, however, though as long as he sticks to his familiar country and doesn’t do another embarrassing crossover like his last single “Love Somebody”, it should be inoffensive enough. Given Mr. Handsome is on production, that does not seem probable, though in this case, it’s not awful – those harmonies in the main vocal loop, especially when they end up pitch-shifted later on, remind me of Bon Iver and Justin Vernon’s frailer, minimal touches, and Morgan Wallen actually commits to the subtlety here… as much as he can, at least! The lack of drums and the reverbed, echoing mix with twangy guitars, Wallen’s softer falsetto in the chorus, it all captures the idea of  “pretty little moments” that he finds with his partner amidst a struggling period in their relationship, and discovering genuine solace in the fact that at least he saw her smile, regardless of why she did so, whether it was real, it just makes him happy. He knows the relationship has gotten to a stale numbness that he doesn’t excite her, but seeing her have fun at the bar doesn’t jolt energy into Mr. Wallen here, it just means he can smile back. For once in his career, it appears that Morgan Wallen of all people has chosen mature acceptance of a relationship’s imperfections as the way to go. It’s an empty, temporal song that took quite a bit of a risk in its production by stripping so many elements but once again, the slow ballad wins me over. It’s the little things in life, and one of them is being pleasantly surprised by a Morgan Wallen and Charlie Handsome song. Hey, it’s a sweet track, leave me alone.

#48 – “Constellations” – Jade LeMac

Produced by Jason “JVP” Van Poederooyen

A debut single from an artist relatively unknown prior debuting at #48 would be more of a shock if this weren’t originally released back in 2021. This is the official debut of Vancouver singer-songwriter Jade LeMac, part of the crop of young, TikTok-famous songwriters in the wake of Olivia Rodrigo that will have a viral breakout hit, it just happens that this came over four years late, at least onto the mainstream charts. LeMac provided vocals on Monstercat dance tracks when she was only 14, so she has been active in the industry for longer than you might expect, though that does not necessarily mean her debut single will chalk up to much, especially in 2025, now that she’s two full-length albums in, and none of those records have made much noise – it’d irritate me if I was an artist actively promoting new music. This should especially bother Ms. LeMac over here, whose 2021 single charting in 2025 sounds like snap-beat, murky alt-pop from 2017, with a typical vocal you’d expect from that era, perhaps with better enunciation but much less character, it’s not even got the smoky rasp texture of, say, a Lorde, which is a big issue for me because this is a sex song, a drunk sex song at that. There should be more intimacy, but if we want to go for one of those drearier, miserable alt-R&B sex songs, there should be either more in the lyrics to aim for that or less of a Eurovision sheen to the production. The lyrics emphasise alcohol and constant physical touch, so why does this sound so cold and packaged? If she’s going to sing about the smell of her partner’s body after they left, I would expect the song to at least try and sound that gross and sweaty, but no, it sounds like Daya. Do you remember Daya? We don’t need to remember Daya. Skip this.

#46 – “Dum, Dumb, and Dumber” – Lil Baby, Young Thug and Future

Produced by Wheezy and Juke Wong

You don’t say. Well, Young Thug’s returned from his stint in jail thanks to a heavily negotiated deal that brings more asterisks than a censored transcription of his lyrics to the technically true statement “Young Thug is free”. Similarly, Lil Baby has returned from his hiatus, and by hiatus, I mean that he’s been consistently dropping mediocre singles that have not moved the needle in any regard and a full album release with big name features – Travis Scott and GloRilla are also on this record, to name a few – has successfully made people pay a bit more attention, even if the “comeback” has served similarly middling results to everything he’s shovelled out since My Turn. In fact, this newest record – WHAM – has landed at #12 on the albums chart despite being his most questionable release yet. Hell, I’ll go as far as to say that this is slop he could have pushed out with little effort or time, and the framing of a comeback is carrying its performance heavily, alongside star power and some Gunna sneak diss on the bonus tracks. There’s nothing in WHAM you can’t get anywhere else in trap and usually a lot better, with these cheap, thrown-together beats and some of the thinnest, stilted vocals in mainstream rap, he’s really lost whatever flow or grit he had for the vast majority of the runtime. Thankfully, this song is sort of an exception.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not close to being good – sure, there’s an anthemic beat that could be made out of those crushed, sirening synths and crowd-igniting intensity in the loops, but given it’s a Wheezy beat, the bass and percussion drowns out a lot and becomes a tad monotonous of a loop. Similarly, Young Thug comes with some first-days-out energy but the flow is very simple and so constant throughout all the rappers – I get going for the theme, but it is exhausting when all three went for the same inflection, and you can actually track in real-time the flow improving as we get “dum, dumb and dumber” – allegedly, because in reality, the progression from Lil Baby’s sloppy mumbling to Young Thug showing more restraint than you’d expect to Future running away with the track because this production sounds made for him and his MIXTAPE PLUTO project… I think we may actually be getting smarter and more confident as it goes on, which does help this not become as mind-numbing as, say, “Type Shit” with Future, Playboi Carti and Travis Scott, though the lyrical content is about as substanceless. Also, Lil Baby is supposed to be saying the name of his album, but it does just sound like he is going “wah”, like an actual little baby. Don’t call it a comeback, he’s been trash for years.

#42 – “I Always Wanted a Brother” – Braelyn Rankins, Theo Somolu, Aaron Pierre and Kelvin Harrison Jr.

Produced by Mark Mancina and Lin-Manuel Miranda

I was completely out of the loop on this release, but Disney has been – with surprising success at being completely avoidable – shovelling out even more charmless live-action or photorealistic CGI versions of their animated classics, that have been increasingly a non-presence since they started in the 2010s. This is actually from a successor to their 2019 version of The Lion King that I heard, well, nothing but bitching about, and in the case of 2024’s Mustafa: The Lion King, I missed even the mudslinging, what Wikipedia and Metacritic will call “mixed reviews”. It’s commercially successful enough regardless, and we have a new song from the cast, interestingly none of the big names starring like Beyoncé or Donald Glover on this one, debuting on the charts. I’ve said many a time on this blog that I’m personally not the biggest Disney fan outside of the Muppets, but The Lion King in its original 1994 animated version is pretty undeniable, already full of catchy and culturally-ingrained musical numbers like “Hakuna Matata” and “I Just Can’t Wait to be King”. This is not that. It is written by Lin-Manuel Miranda, which means it’s dead on arrival, and at least does commit to some of the conceits of the original soundtrack, the group vocals remind me of those classic songs, but I’m sorry, I’m completely not on board with the basic writing that fall into predictable clichés, the child actors’ cloying deliveries and the display through the instrumental still being slightly Latin-flavoured that Mr. Miranda is quite limited in these types of introductory songs. I can’t even say that I’m missing narrative context here because if I were to watch the film, the meaning of this one is drilled so much into the ground that I’d be lamenting the lack of a “skip entire scene” feature like DVDs used to have. If the clips of this film’s generic-looking lions are reflective of the overall quality, then this song may be the least soulless thing about it – you can tell the actors are sometimes trying and having at least some degree of fun with it – but also, it prompts me to imagine this coming out of those photorealistic lion mouths and that’s frankly hilarious. It’s fruitless asking Disney to try harder so I’ll conclude by saying that this won’t become a thing outside of brief virality and I’m thankful it won’t. If Mufasa ends up a massive cultural phenomenon, then I’m Nostradamus and also, I quit this show.

#39 – “DENIAL IS A RIVER” – Doechii

Produced by IanJames, Joey Hamhock and Banser

Speaking of being out of the loop, I still have not caught up to Doechii and her big mixtape last year, Alligator Bites Never Heal, which has crept up on the public over the months since its release thanks to several performances going viral on social media like the NFR Tiny Desk set and now a music video parodying old sitcoms with several special guest stars from her label TDE and outside of it – ScHoolboy Q, Teezo Touchdown, even rapper-comedian and all-time Tweeter Zack Fox, all make appearances. That may have been the last boost this song needed to rocket all the way up to the top 40 and finally force me to pay more attention past the pop single “What it Is (Block Boy)” a while back and some features I thought were energetic yet never fully convinced me to dive into her body of work. It may not go that far but it does intrigue me because for a second top 40 hit, this is surprisingly dense.

“DENIAL IS A RIVER” eschews a chorus in exchange for skits wherein Doechii talks to a therapist and tracks her life to catch them – and the listener – up with her life, expressing her theatrical sense of humour in the process and acting as a pretty great introduction = or reintroduction – to Doechii as a result thanks to the song explicitly being about self-exploration, some verses acting as a bit of a confessional and trauma dump towards the end where she discusses her drug addiction. Even then, the escalation of the content is relatively lighthearted, with the goofy therapist voice, perky East Coast boom bap beat, and how the first verse is a mundane verse about her ex being gay. Honestly, the song is much more conceptually than it works in practice, as Doechii I find is actually lacking in wordplay that’s lasting or effective, with what should be wham lines coming off as deflated, especially considering the lack of development in that instrumental. It’s a shame because there is a lot to this that I appreciate, but the actual execution of those ideas lacks in selling them – sure, she picks up the aggression in her voice towards the end of the final verse to show her feeling “loopy” but it’s still straightforward and honest lyrically with unimpressive punchlines, and the beat refuses to reflect that spiral by changing at all. The outro where her breathing exercise sounds like a Slick Rick beatbox solo is an incredible idea, and I wish the song gave more time and effort to genuinely adventurous and experimental ideas like that. It may lose some authenticity in doing so but theatricality is already so prominent in this song that it wouldn’t make for much of a difference tonally. It is still surprisingly dense and inaccessible for her second hit in comparison to the pop songs surrounding it, yet it’s not enough to interest me when I can think of ways in which this can be expanded on to great effect, with a guy like Tyler, the Creator who she’s worked with, or even SZA at her most unhinged too, being examples of where to look for that in popular rap and R&B. Basically, she’s already committed to the bit so hard, let’s go even further next time.

Conclusion

Best of the Week nearly went to Morgan Wallen, what has come over me? Seriously, he gets the Honourable Mention for “Smile” but The Marías pretty handedly take the best with “No One Noticed”, both slower reflections in a week full of, frankly, disposable shit excluding those and Doechii. That means Worst of the Week goes to Simba the lion or whoever the fuck, with a Dishonourable Mention to “Constellations” by Jade LeMac. The SZA and Lil Baby songs mostly get away with just being lazy, not outright bad. Let’s hope for better weeks for the rest of 2025, but for now, thank you for reading, hakuna matata, and I’ll see you next time!